Dear Old Friend

Dear Old Friend;

I want to tell you a story about a girl who became a woman and a man who never really grew up. Both were broken people. Both were lost in a cruel, dysfunctional world. Both somehow found each other at an interaction of hope and despair. What they found was a bond that most people don't experience. In times, there was joy, camaraderie, respect and love. Other times, it was chaos and confusion. Through times of silence, thoughts of one another waxed and waned. Neither knew what the other felt. Then it happened. Maybe a turning point. Maybe a final battle for understanding, recognition and acceptance. At the end of the fight, the woman got tired in her old years. The man still was asleep.

Take it back to a time when life was an open book. Youth with abandon who had a lot to learn, but learning could wait. Fun times were to be had. Travels, exploration, people. Instead, sadness and pain over life took over. Teenage angst became young adult tragedy. Shakespearean emotions and depth with the frivolity of youth. Trying too hard to be self-righteous and omniscient while fighting the need to be real.

Then the introduction. Similarities found. Attraction grew. Late night, long night conversations that only happen in films. Things spoken and unspoken. Plans made. Then the first failure. Then, the second. Then the break. 

Stability lost, but the connection stayed. Things were better in silence. Things were easier on the surface. Efforts caused too much feeling and too much pain. Neither wanted to be exposed. 

Life went on for the girl and the man, in different directions. Marriages, families, work, life, no time for each other. Different life cycles. Things were fine. Peachy. Nothing complicated.

Then, the man decides to see the girl. But the girl was no more. She was now twice the age of her younger self he first knew. Maybe he didn't recognize that. Maybe there was something expected from this meeting. But patterns reared their ugly head that made the woman become the girl again with much fiery experience and opened wounds. The man didn't realize this. Maybe he didn't want to. Maybe the time to acknowledge past sentiments has expired, but the time to apologize never passed. There had to be meaning for this decision. 

Facing reality is rough. It's just as painful as the past scars being torn open. Things said maybe out of anger and frustration still require an apology. When the girl would have just screamed for no reason, the screams now have purpose. Yet the man remains asleep, keeping his emotions to himself and wondering why things about him aren't so obvious to the girl anymore. That's because they never were and seem further away as she grew up. 

So, enjoy your rest, my dear former friend. One day, I hope you appreciate who I was in your life. As much as you held on, you never shared. So I let go and moved on. As much you want to be in my life, you never wanted me in yours. Unless you do something to prove otherwise, I'll always believe that. 

If you cared anything for me at all, you would try to prove me wrong. But you can't be bothered, because you like your slumber more than you like the effort. The effort for me was never there. 

Adieu.